Take the Risk

The weekend. All of us work towards that common goal. No matter who we are, where we live, or what are upbringing is we work towards this great achievement. Our thoughts revolve around what were going to do on Friday night. For many people, images of going to see an overpriced movie or spending the greater half of the evening in a smoky bowling alley jump to their minds. However, my friends have developed a tradition. Risk.

Risk. A game created by Parker Brothers has been filling teenage boys' heads with thoughts of world domination since 1957. With just a roll of the dice, you can conquer other nations, and advance your armies across the globe. Awesome.

Your probably putting two and two together, and figuring out that my friends and I sometimes decide to test out our tactical skills and fight for global domination. First, you need to meet the players.

Andrew (A.U.-Red Army) The leader who stays true to one nation, and one nation alone. Ukraine. Forget the Seinfeld quote "The Ukraine is weak!" because that is where he sets up camp. No matter what, A.U. will not give up his stronghold.

Jordan (Green army) The player who always suggests, "Lets play risk, it will be fun!" Whatever bribes are needed to get players involved, Jordan will make sure to do everything in his power to make people play risk. He tends to concentrate his pieces on Africa, but his home base is in good 'ole Alaska.

Joey (me-Yellow army) I mostly am the one who gets dragged into the game. Although, A.U. usually makes a treaty and the two of us form an alliance. I always work hard to establish my army in the North America, which will earn me a few more soldiers. We usually end up saying "Lets both take out Jordan," and once he is eliminated, the game goes downhill from there.

Ryan. (Grey army). Ryan is the player who immediately goes for the "last stand" area, or the Indonesia-Australia venue. He makes sure to stock-pile his army with as many soldiers as possible, and hope to roll some good numbers.

Kevin. (White army) Usually a substitute for Ryan, Kevin attempts to take Asia, but is annihilated in the beginning. This is no problem for him though, because there is usually some quality (nope) programming on Cartoon Network's "adult swim".

The game usually starts around 9:00 p.m., with high hopes for the adventure ahead of us. We make sure to take a trip to the BP station to pick up some Monster, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, Coke, or Jordan's usual Red Bull to keep us fueled for the night. Typically, a few more trips are made in Jordan's Subaru with the music bumpin' into the night. We can already feel the joy of capturing Urkusturk or Katchamaka. Silly slogans like "My name is Ural" will be said when the territory of Ural is captured. This is gonna be great!

10:00 p.m. Each player has played their first move, establishing their armies. Jordan breaks the seal on his Red Bull. Andrew mixes some concoction of Mountain Dew Code Red, with a little bit of NOS. Kevin, cracks open a Monster BFC. I break out a tumbler, half filled with ice, and pour a bit of Mt. Dew original in it. It's gonna be a long night.

11:00 p.m. With a bit of dice rolling, some territories are gained, some are lost. Andrew mutters his usual phrase "Resistance is futile!" as he takes over yet another continent on his world Blitzkrieg. There is auguring over whether the dice got enough rotation, and if the board was "modified" while someone was in the bathroom. The game is starting to heat up.

12:00-Midnight Cans begin to pile up as the night wears on. The game has just hit the two hour mark, with Kevin hardly holding in there. With a snap of the wrist, A.U. rolls the Three Offensive Red Dice to defeat the last ranks of Kevin's army. First player to be eliminated. Kevin turns on the T.V.

1:00 a.m. With the faint sound of the cast of "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" in the background, the game wears on. Ryan has began his troop assemblies in Indonesia. Jordan decides that he needs to take Ryan out at all costs. However, he only has two "Risk Cards" so he needs to wait another turn to gain 36 additional troops. That won't happen anytime soon.

2:00 a.m. Jordan collected his cards, and is ready to take down Ryan's Military base. With a few well placed rolls, Jordan emerges victorious, but with many casualties. However, he will not let that stop him. The game is beginning to loose speed.

3:00 a.m. Andrew, expanding from his base in Europe, decides that I need to be taken out. Our treaty from earlier in the game has failed. My courageous Yellow army fights to the death, but with nothing to show. I felt like Matthew Broderick at the end of the movie Glory, as I was destroyed by the opposing army. It's about time for me to go to sleep.

4:00-6:00 a.m. As I fade in and out of a deep sleep, I can hear Jordan and A.U. bickering at each other about cheating, mis-rolls, re-rolls, and Rick-rolls. Once, there was an accusation for cursing the dice. In the end, Andrew and his Red Army always emerge victorious. His perfect record continues.

So this time the game was completed in the suggested time frame of 1-8 hours. I have no idea who thought of those numbers, but whoever they are, they have clearly never played the game before.

So remember, when you're caught up in a deep sleep on Friday night, feel good knowing that the leaders of tomorrow are battling for World Domination.

Take the Risk. Join us if you dare.